KILL IT BEFORE IT SPAWNS
EDIT: My favorite part is when she says, "This is about my feelings....that I feel...."
I bet she uses emoticons in her e-mails. Like this: : - (
Hold my beer and watch THIS!
I was going to do an entire post about the hilarious comedy stylings of Shemp Howard, the most underrated of the Three Stooges, but now you'll all miss this work of genius, or at least have your gratification delayed because I'm answering this fucking meme with which El Barbudo hit me. (Please note I didn't end that last sentence with a preposition. I fucking win.) So if this meme is really boring and stupid and juvenile and too-fucking-twee-for-words, blame him.
7 films I like:
The Lion in Winter
The Philadelphia Story
WITHNAIL AND I - EDITED. Take THAT!
7 books I like:
Things My Girlfriend and I Have Argued About
Stanley and the Women
The Adventures of Augie March
7 things I say:
"For FUCK's SAKE!"
"Who's a bitter cunt, then?"
"I fucking win."
"Oh, for the love of Pete..."
7 things that attract me to the city:
Bars to hear live music
Choice in pubs
Ease of transportation
Availability of many varieties of decent food
Educated, intelligent people (i.e., fewer rednecks)
7 things to do before I die (and yes, I'm a very simple person):
Visit the Baseball Hall of Fame
Tell Dubya off
Have a decent picture of myself taken
Own an Irish Wolf Hound
Own a house
Skate on the Bruins home ice
7 things I can't do:
Eat bitter tasting things like mesclun greens
Drive a stick shift
Wear flip-flops in public
Sing in front of people (though I can sing, believe me)
Finish this meme.
You know WHY I can't finish this meme? Because the last thing is 7 people to tag. And I refuse to tag anyone. I'm BREAKING THE CYCLE. Hear me, baby?
I've finally come up with a Blunt Cogs strip. Kim assures me it'll be up tomorrow, though I do hope he doesn't spend too much time at his computer this weekend. There IS more to life than blogging, right? Right? Anyone?
The whole "bam" thing is so old and moldy, he should just retire it. Bad enough it's his mantra when he's fucking cooking, but he does toothpaste commercials now, and it's their tag now as well. A few years go, some asshole even gave this talentless hack a sit-com. Naturally, it was cancelled after about three seconds on the air, but... Christ.
But no, it's not Emeril and his ubiquitousness that bother me half as much as his audience of slack-jawed morons. They hoot and holler like he's doing something original just when he melts butter. Let him add garlic or beer or brandy or wine to any dish, and they act like he's just done something oh, so deliciously naughty, they practically jump out of their seats, going "woot, woot, woot," and "ya-hooooo," like a bunch of retards.
Just look at this fucking guy. With his hippie ponytail and clogs and chirpy tone. He thinks he's funny, but he's just as annoying as that Rachel Ray, only you could fit two of her in his apron. And every single recipe he makes includes 12 different types of pork!
The fucking cannibal.
First, Sir Alec Guinness. One of the greatest actors of all time. Forget Star Wars, that was just so he could earn some "fuck you" money. And man, did it ever. Let's instead cast our memories back to some of the greatest films ever made. "Kind Hearts and Coronets," "The Lavendar Hill Mob," "Bridge on the River Kwai," and my personal favorite, "Tunes of Glory." I'll stop here, though there are many I'm forgetting right now, and I'm trying to get some work done, so I don't have time to do this all day. Suffice it to say, you young 'uns out there, line up your Netflix queue with a bunch of his films and let her rip. You'll be glad you did. Brilliant!
Here is a website of a cat called Guinness. He looks like my wee Olive, and is inferior in many ways, though he is kind of funny. Cute.
But really, what makes my little heart go pitter patter on a Friday, is this:
Chock full of creamy goodness, iron, protein, and carbs. Yes, Carbs. Dr. Atkins is dead, long live the carb. Fuck that lo-carb garbage. Starch up, baby! BRILLIANT!
EDIT: Okay, three measly items is kind of lame for an "honoring guinness post"...anybody have any other Guinness type things to honor? Shall I move on to Harp?