Any idiot in the world...
...can have a blog. And, as we have seen recently, most of them do. It's free, it's easy, it works great. You can upload files, pictures, videos, update to your heart's content, edit, comment, have a blast, without a fucking degree in HTML, or any training in computer programming or IT expertise. eBlogger is a tremendously untuitive, simple tool. If I can do this, anyone can.
Why, then, can't I update my office's web site without tears? I'll tell you why: Dreamweaver, the program we use to update our company's sites, sucks. It sucks like a big, sucky thing that sucks suckily. There's a "local view," and a "remote view," and a "staging area." Apparently you're supposed to update your stuff in the "local view," then upload it to the "remote view," then send an e-mail to our communications office, with all the information that the shit is in the "staging area," and then they put up your changes and let you know they're up.
Well, I'm damned if I can see the "remote view" and "local view," at the same time, to make sure I'm PUTTING the cunting files in the right places. And when I follow the instructions, I can't even fucking OPEN the "staging area," to see if the festering fucking crap is up there. Then I get these e-mails from the people who supposedly HELP us with this shit, they say "Uh, no, it's not there, try this..." and then regale you with shitloads of acronyms and techno-speak, and don't goddamn help at all.
To the makers of Dreamweaver, you suck. You fucking wankers.
Why, then, can't I update my office's web site without tears? I'll tell you why: Dreamweaver, the program we use to update our company's sites, sucks. It sucks like a big, sucky thing that sucks suckily. There's a "local view," and a "remote view," and a "staging area." Apparently you're supposed to update your stuff in the "local view," then upload it to the "remote view," then send an e-mail to our communications office, with all the information that the shit is in the "staging area," and then they put up your changes and let you know they're up.
Well, I'm damned if I can see the "remote view" and "local view," at the same time, to make sure I'm PUTTING the cunting files in the right places. And when I follow the instructions, I can't even fucking OPEN the "staging area," to see if the festering fucking crap is up there. Then I get these e-mails from the people who supposedly HELP us with this shit, they say "Uh, no, it's not there, try this..." and then regale you with shitloads of acronyms and techno-speak, and don't goddamn help at all.
To the makers of Dreamweaver, you suck. You fucking wankers.
posted by Andraste at 12:14 PM
18 Comments:
I love the C word used with ing as an adjective. You are a scream.
Just can't bring yourself to type the word?
Do it, it might be cathartic.
As the author of a G rated family blog, I must stick to using "the C word".... this is traceable, you know.
It's such a funny word, I'd like to think that with use, it would become less offensive. I use it more like the Brits do. Twat is another good one. Damn funny.
Twat? Twat did you say? I cunt hear you. I have an ear infucktion.
'It's free, it's easy, it works great.'
That is something I would say, innit? I do speak english great.
Truce?
"I speak-uh good Henglish. I learned eeet frrrrom a booook." - Manuel the waiter, Fawlty Towers
He say, you heedeous urang-utang.
New Zealander.. really? In my 41 years, that's a first. No. Long Island born and raised. And you're right about the words having voltage. My wife and I swear (we always called it "cursing" ) more in one day than my parents did in my 24 years living at home combined. But when my father SIS ..it had voltage and meaning and effect! When I curse..my kids don't even notice it anymore.
Derek & Clive: "A well-placed shit, or fuck, is an exclamation point at the end of a perfectly witted line."
I do swear too much, I'll admit it. But sometimes in writing there's no other way to express my utter exasperation with what I see. My husband says about 90% of my internal world is "what the fuck?!" And I think he's right.
The best language to swear in is Russian, because it's not just a matter of shit or fuck, every manner of cursing is extremely descriptive... Mandavoshka is one of my favourites, it means "c*nt lice" or "Jebat moi lisiy cherep" which means fuck my bald skull... Lithuanian swearing is pretty funny because they don't actually have any filthy words, the worst insult is to call someone “Rapuze” which means toad, and dick is commonly referred to as "rotting worm" (I forget the spelling of the Lithuanian)... but Russian is always the best, I can't remember exactly but there is one phrase "a dick in your eye" which is really offensive!
Say Man-da-vosh-ka and it really gets the anger out, make sure every syllable is pronounced and say it loudly (the "man" bit is pronounced “marn”)... ah, now doesn't that feel better?
Nice. The Fins have a good one. Not sure of the spelling, but it's pronounced "Kurpenamaat" with a roll on the 'r'...I'm pretty sure it means "dick-face," but it could also be "cunt-face." It's been a long time since I've spent time with any Fins. They are, by the way, the best people in the world. I never met a Fin I didn't like.
Flemish: Luuuper-ner-der-klootin. Means F You.
My, my, my, aren't we all just so multilingual. Multilingual...that sounds dirty, too.
Quid pudenda mihi est?
Some G-Rated Family blogger I am, huh?
I can swear in German as well if you want! (and I can say fucking in the kitchen in Dutch)
And I have to agree that Finnish people are really cool. I spent a week in Helsinki and loved it, and one of my best friends when I lived in Lithuania was a Finnish girl. She was unreal and so were all of her friends :-)
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