Thursday, July 24, 2008

Monsoon season!

What the fuck? I love a good thunderstorm, the louder, boomier, crashier, flashier the better. But after a couple of weeks of pretty much daily thunderstorms, it has become a tad tiresome. I can honestly say that the novelty has most definitely worn off. And I'm becoming tiresome about it too - I WILL repeat "Hey, Florida called, they want their weather back" until SOMEBODY laughs. I fucking mean it.

But yesterday's storm was the most alarming one so far. Funnel clouds? Off the coast of New England? Those of you out there who think climate change is a left wing scare tactic, I'd like to put it to you - why is the Northeast getting all this awful tropical weather? Hmmm? I don't care what anyone says, THIS IS NOT FUCKING NORMAL. Anyway, I'm almost sure Pat Robertson will say we're getting poked on the weather because Massachusetts allows gays to get married. That'd be pretty funny.

Here's another thing. Remember last summer, when I bought all those lady bugs and released them in my garden to eat other, more harmful bugs? So that I wouldn't have to spray pesticides and poison my flowers and herbs? So that I would have a healthy, vibrant, pretty lawn and garden that would attract pretty songbirds and colorful butterflies and the like without poisoning anybody? Well, no matter if YOU remember: I DID. I DID buy all those ladybugs, paid for shipping, kept them in the fridge to freak SPOUSE out (he doesn't like bugs) and then waited for an evening with the perfect weather/wind conditions to set them free on our property, thinking oh, how great to be environmentally conscious and nice to the earth and to my fellow creatures.

And then they all promptly fucked right off. Couldn't find a ladybug on our lot for the rest of the summer.

So a couple of weeks ago we went to a neighborhood barbecue and everyone was talking about the GREAT LADYBUG INVASION OF 2007. Seems all the ungrateful little bitches went to everyone else's houses, and set up residence in their yards, porches, and kitchens, instead of taking care of mine. Huh.

Hey, neighbors. YOU'RE WELCOME.


Blogger Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

Ha! That's hilarious!

What is the fridge part for though? Does the cold make them dopey and docile or something? I'm pretty sure that, if I were a freelance ladybug and was put into the fridge, I'd fuck off next door too.

25 July, 2008 02:22  
Blogger Caro said...

You can buy ladybugs? It's true, you really can buy anything on the internet...

Next time buy homing ones.

25 July, 2008 04:19  
Blogger Andraste said...

Sam - the cold temperature keeps them in a state of 'hybernation' until conditions are right for release. I'm pretty sure they think it's winter and just sleep.

Caro - homing ones! Good one. Yes, you can just google them, and you'll wind up on some hippie-dippie organic gardening site that also sells things like bat houses. I bought one of those too. Bats eat their weight in mosquitoes just about every night - the enemy of my enemy is my friend...

25 July, 2008 07:43  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Those hussy ladybirds!

25 July, 2008 08:26  
Blogger Andraste said...

I KNOW! The wee homewrecking sluts...

25 July, 2008 09:23  
Blogger Medbh said...

I thought it was natural for them to cluster up. Hmm. They're the only bug that you can call cute and not want to smash.

25 July, 2008 18:24  
Blogger John said...

The bat thing sounds interesting. I am in S Fla and the mosquitos, no-see-'ems and everything else that bites your ass are thick as theives in the evenings and mornings.
But I am tall and I remember them dive bombing my head when I was little.
So the question is; To scartch bites like mad all night or get a bat caught in my hair? hmmmm

30 July, 2008 11:07  
Blogger John said...

Pardon the typos... sheesh

30 July, 2008 11:08  
Blogger Andraste said...

Hiya John - welcome to the pub. The least-updated blog on the interwebs...

I think the bats getting tangled in people's hair is a myth. Their sonar is too good for that. I suspect if they dive-bombed you, there may have been some mosquitoes floating around you at head-level.

31 July, 2008 07:12  

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