Friday, January 19, 2007


I hold grudges. I know it's unhealthy, does no one any good, keeps me from moving on from bad experiences, all that stuff. I guess I have some work to do in that area. I never claimed to be particularly highly evolved spiritually - I'm not perfect and I'm certainly no saint.

But would you believe I can still work up the energy to be pissed off about stuff that happened YEARS ago, and I'm still absolutely rip-roaringly FURIOUS about some stuff that happened just last year? Is it self-righteousness that makes me do this? Maybe this needs examination. At least I'm OPEN to self-examination. Unlike SOME.

See? I keep doing it!

Not healthy. Not good. I should just move on. But here I am, still, in my head, composing SPEECHES to people who've wronged me, or wronged people close to me, or wronged themselves and blamed me for their own insecurities, or are just selfish, crazy, humorless, self-pitying assholes.

Harrumph. Maybe I need a new hobby.

Anyway - new attitudes may have to be adopted and old grudges dropped into the dumpster-of-fuckee-offee. After all, it's a new year, good things are happening. I'm working hard, have been starting to taste the rewards of my hard work and all that with the new house and plans for improvement there, and it's FRIDAY, and nothing is separating me from a nice dinner and drinks and yuks with good friends but a few hours of rather easy, kinda brainless work. Which I seem to be avoiding by doing a blog post about absolutely nothing, really...

Le sigh...
What'd you say booze for?

...I panicked.


Blogger Sassy Sundry said...

It's really hard not to hold grudges, I think. I've worked very hard not to hold them. Lucky for me, I have learned to get some perspective and realize that most people are just doing what they can with what they have to work with.

That doesn't mean that I don't want to hunt down the guy who dumped me by e-mail this fall after we'd made plans to move in together and chop his balls off, but I do realize that he's just a scared little boy, and I do feel pity for him.

Shit. He doesn't deserve it. Now where's that wine?

Hang in there. Good things are happening.

19 January, 2007 18:51  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

No wonder he dumped you by email, you were going to move in with him then chop his balls off, I think I'd be a scared little boy too, if I knew that was in my future...or perhaps I misread...good luck finding someone new though, just keep the cleaver sheathed...

19 January, 2007 21:34  
Blogger Andraste said...

Anonymous - clearly, you DID misread. Try again. Sound it out...And stop being lazy. You could at least come up with a pseudonym.

Sassy - That's why, even though I don't really believe in new year's resolutions, mine is to just let go of some of this old garbage and see if I can give my stomach a break from all this acidity.

20 January, 2007 10:48  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

I have held a life long grudge against my mother with the greatest of ease.
Others, not so much now that I'm a bit older. I do polite very well, so if I meet people I don't like I am overwhelmingly civil. When I was in my twenties however I was notorious for not falling out with folk. LIfe is too fucking short and grudges take up too much energy.
(Not the one with my mother though, that's effortless if I didn't have that one I'd be at a loss what to do with my spare time.)

20 January, 2007 13:32  
Blogger Old Knudsen said...

no talk about cutting balls off please I'd have to rename my blog.

21 January, 2007 01:35  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I did not misread, it is an awkward sentence, and should be reworked...My name IS Anonymous...

21 January, 2007 08:55  
Blogger Andraste said...

Oh, anonymous, you know what she meant. stop being such a pedantic old bully.

Knudsen - Maybe not rename it, just add "in a jar" or something.

21 January, 2007 10:03  
Blogger Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

There's nothing like scrubbing cupboards for working out a grudge. For a while after my mother was here a few years back, the shine on my shelves made them almost too beautiful to put anything on them. I just wanted to keep te doors open and look at my work. Then I remembered that indulging in housework-to-forget is a nasty habit I picked up from my mother, the self-same one!

Head down, work hard, look forwards, and let the gainsayers go and gainsay themselves.

22 January, 2007 01:40  
Blogger Sassy Sundry said...

Anonymous, you need to learn how to use ellipsis points before you critique my grammar.

Please see CMS 11.45.

23 January, 2007 19:04  

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