Wednesday, November 14, 2007

A strange contentment.

They say that when you dream about wandering around unfamiliar houses, opening doors, checking out rooms, going up and down stairways, etc., that you are actually wandering around in your subconscious.

This is extremely disturbing and I'll tell you why: two nights ago, I had a dream I was wandering around in a big old house, going up and down stairways that led nowhere, opening doors into empty rooms, and tiny, empty closets. The point is that if this is my innermost, private consciousness - why the fuck was it so empty? I can't even bother to FURNISH my own subconscious mind? Am I that lazy? Without depth? Sans dreams, fantasies, issues, and resentments? It CANNOT BE! Alas, were it not for the eventual company of my three cats, who followed loyally throughout my spiritual wanderings, the dream was bereft of anything of interest at all.

I mean, I'm not a particularly deep person, but I'm certainly not shallow. I'm reasonably intelligent, and have certainly lived long enough to have something going on in my innermost soul/mind/spirit besides all this...nothingness.

Though it does explain why, for the past several weeks (or even months, really) I have had absolutely NOTHING to write about in this blog. Nothing. I've been so busy with work (both the real job and freelance - got an unsolicited raise in the real job, and have enough damn freelance work to possibly pay off the truck in a few months, thereby allowing me to give up the transcription entirely - oh blessed day) that I haven't even had the time or energy to get hacked off about the usual shite that people like me get pissed off about (Iraq, Bush, Anne Coulter, NASCAR, people who can't get off the damn phone, even while driving, etc.).

Can it be that with the Red Sox having won another World Series, and that I now own a home, and that I'm reasonably content with my job, life, health, family, friends, etc., that I aspire to nothing? Resent nothing? Bear no grudges? Have no axe to grind? No dreams to fulfill? No further itchings, leanings, aspirations? Huh.

Is this a Zen thing?

Buggered if I know. But I have to figure out what to do with this blog if I'm not going to come on from time to time and have anything to say.

Everything's just fine now, really.

Um. Thanks for asking.


Blogger Fresh Hell said...

Perhaps, your mind is just too busy and your subconscious wants a gaddamn break. Don't worry, I have faith that you'll get pissed soon. It's always just a matter of time.

14 November, 2007 21:52  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Oh no! You're...ohmigawd, you're happy!

15 November, 2007 09:55  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You know, it could be worse. You could be me, having Stage 1 Pokemon showing up as random real characters in dreams (Stupid Machop/Machoke doesn't even have any good attack skills! Plus, how much do I hate that I even know that--thanks again, six year old boy child.)You, by comparison, acquired spacious real estate and figured out how to lead cats around. Neither of these things is a minor undertaking. Acquiring a dream sofa should be a piece of cake.

The Internet: Come for the blogging, stay for the mindfuckery.

BTW, I made you a fabulous electronic playlist that includes the Ween "Blarney Stone" song. I've been meaning to send it, but it's spending some time in the car with me first junking up MY subconscious. I figure the least I can do is burn you a cd to replace all those cassettes I made you one jillion years ago. Plus you might actually like to have some music released after 1990.



15 November, 2007 13:58  
Blogger Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

Damn contentment.

15 November, 2007 14:32  
Blogger Andraste said...

Hell - too true. I'm steeped in the day to day and have no time for any soul-searching. But did I EVER really?

FMC - Is THAT it? Dayam. Just goes to show, happiness isn't an end in itself, it's what happens when you're in hot pursuit of other things.

Sare - now wait just a second, missy. I DO own music that came out after 1990. It just happens to be by the same artists I've been listening to since the 80's. So NYAH!

Sam - have no fear. It will not last.

15 November, 2007 14:43  
Blogger Medbh said...

Oh, having your cats with you is a nice sign. They've got your back here and on the astral plane.
A clean, clutter-free house sounds ideal to me, Andraste.

15 November, 2007 15:39  
Blogger Andraste said...

Agreed, Medbh. I DO prefer empty space to clutter. But a couch would have been nice. Maybe a bookshelf and a comfy chair by the fireplace? I couldn't even give my subconscious a refrigerator??

Where's my dream beer?

15 November, 2007 19:33  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You'll get your dream beer as soon as you have your dream water closet installed in your dream don't want to sully your dream floors with dream Pee, do you?

16 November, 2007 15:31  
Blogger Andraste said...

Or, once again, dammit, I'll wake up out of a sound sleep and have to go to the damn bathroom. Hate that.

16 November, 2007 15:53  

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