I grow old...I grow old...I shall wear the bottoms of my trousers rolled.
I just want some simple goddamn jeans.
I must be getting old, because Levis Strauss jeans have veered off in a direction that has left me behind. All their women's jeans appear to be "stretch" now, which is awful. JUST DIABOLICALLY FUGLY. And it's like admitting that you're fat and can't fit into regular denim, so you need a little "give" at the seams. So obvious.
The bastards appear to have discontinued the 512 for women. Or if they didn't, they've made it impossible for me to find them. The 512's were the only ones that had the reasonably tapered leg, without having to resort to tailoring. Call me an 80's chick, but I like the tapered look. At least the 512's didn't have those FUCKING AWFUL HIPPIE FUCKING FLARES, or rest on the lower part of my hips, or have some shitty wash on them. All I want is just plain old pre-wash, black or bleach, NOT some stupid obvious worn out looking material just on the thighs, or fraying holes in strategic places already, which you have to pay an arm and a leg for. I guess they call that "broken in." Fuck off, just give me the simple product, and I will break in my own cunting jeans.
So, over the weekend, I went back to buying men's jeans. Plain old, simple, straight leg, zipper fly 505's. BUT...I shall have to get them tailored because what they call a straight leg is NOT a straight leg. On me, it looks like the dreaded fucking hippie fucking FLARES. Children, flares were NEVER attractive. Not even in the 70's. Just awful. And hip-huggers...who the fuck thinks these are flattering on the female body? Nothing like taking a body part that is TOO WIDE anyway, and accentuating the fuckers, drawing attention to a body flaw, creating the impression of an ASS the size of New Fucking York.
No, you smartass mo-fo's out there. I do NOT have hips that are too wide, nor do I have an ass that is the size of New Fucking York. I'm just making a point.
I'm actually very nicely built. Curvy, not fat. Athletic, not overly muscular. Thin, not willowy. I'm a piece of work. Tssssssssss. You'd think finding jeans for a fairly normal body shape, with normal proportions, would be easy.
Now just give me some fucking decent, simple, authentic jeans and stop making me have to go all out of my way and having to shell out extra expense to get them tailored. Fuckers.
I must be getting old, because Levis Strauss jeans have veered off in a direction that has left me behind. All their women's jeans appear to be "stretch" now, which is awful. JUST DIABOLICALLY FUGLY. And it's like admitting that you're fat and can't fit into regular denim, so you need a little "give" at the seams. So obvious.
The bastards appear to have discontinued the 512 for women. Or if they didn't, they've made it impossible for me to find them. The 512's were the only ones that had the reasonably tapered leg, without having to resort to tailoring. Call me an 80's chick, but I like the tapered look. At least the 512's didn't have those FUCKING AWFUL HIPPIE FUCKING FLARES, or rest on the lower part of my hips, or have some shitty wash on them. All I want is just plain old pre-wash, black or bleach, NOT some stupid obvious worn out looking material just on the thighs, or fraying holes in strategic places already, which you have to pay an arm and a leg for. I guess they call that "broken in." Fuck off, just give me the simple product, and I will break in my own cunting jeans.
So, over the weekend, I went back to buying men's jeans. Plain old, simple, straight leg, zipper fly 505's. BUT...I shall have to get them tailored because what they call a straight leg is NOT a straight leg. On me, it looks like the dreaded fucking hippie fucking FLARES. Children, flares were NEVER attractive. Not even in the 70's. Just awful. And hip-huggers...who the fuck thinks these are flattering on the female body? Nothing like taking a body part that is TOO WIDE anyway, and accentuating the fuckers, drawing attention to a body flaw, creating the impression of an ASS the size of New Fucking York.
No, you smartass mo-fo's out there. I do NOT have hips that are too wide, nor do I have an ass that is the size of New Fucking York. I'm just making a point.
I'm actually very nicely built. Curvy, not fat. Athletic, not overly muscular. Thin, not willowy. I'm a piece of work. Tssssssssss. You'd think finding jeans for a fairly normal body shape, with normal proportions, would be easy.
Now just give me some fucking decent, simple, authentic jeans and stop making me have to go all out of my way and having to shell out extra expense to get them tailored. Fuckers.
posted by Andraste at 9:21 AM
14 Comments:
"I'm actually very nicely built. Curvy, not fat. Athletic, not overly muscular. Thin, not willowy. I'm a piece of work. Tssssssssss."
Prove it!
You showed us your truck earlier, now show us the driver! Thanks for the kind remarks over at the Maroon abode.
That Ghost over at Lindyk's does have a certain ability for the seat-wetting, innit?
Ha! Sadly, though I'm quite attractive, I'm one of those unfortunate souls whom the camera does not love.
Plus, I'm keeping this blog as anonymous as possible...no need for being recognized in the street. I'm very shy.
Yeah...what's up with ghosty? That was some steamy-arsed writin' up in there. Fo' shizzle.
Well girls, at least he's posting where we can all enjoy his erotic prose, right?! Mmm... at least my Saturday night at home wasn't boring!
A sexy ghost... who knew?!
You sound lovely, try Diesel Jeans instead of Levis, they have some good cuts, fitted without being overly so. Stretch, Jesus Christ whatever next? I don't plan on stretch anytime in the next twenty years.
I'll look around, FMC. Thanks for the tip!
Yes, and it's so obvious when you're wearing stretch jeans. The denim looks different...you can so tell. It's like giving up.
FMC - just checked out the diesel site. ...erm...nope. Too fancy, too expensive, too flash with the silly washes and pockets...too designer-y.
Plain old Levis is what I'm after. Nothing fancy. Like so:
http://www.bennettsclothing.com/images/levi_512.jpg
Try Miss Sixty then, Sorry about that, Diesel used to do very good jeans, no froo froo nonsense. I don't like stupid washes either, I like my jeans to be jeans.
So what did you want? My wife shops for her pants at The Buckle, I think they are a national store, but I don't know if they carry fucking decent, simple, authentic jeans.
Thanks for the tip. I'll look them up on-line, see if I can find a local store.
I'm with Muff - show us a photo. Just take a pic of your reflecton in the mirror from the neck down. that way you keep your anonimity and we can judge your hips.
Sorry fellas. I may get around to fixing up my digital camera at some point, but as of now, you'll just have to imagine.
Forget denim. What's wrong with wearing a nice flowery frock instead?
For the sake of our friendship, Stephen, I'm going to forget you said that.
Yeah, Rachy, I used to wear the 501's but the button fly became annoying. The 505's are basically the same thing with a zipper, though they do need to be tapered.
It seems in America these days you can't find jeans that aren't "fad-fodder." Paint stripes, stupid prefab holes, stupid bleaching patterns, and stretchy shit. It's a sad, sad day.
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