Friday, October 13, 2006

Musical diplomacy? Eh. Not so much.

Some of the most heated arguments I've ever had in my life have been about music. Seems you can raise people's hackles pretty easily by insulting some band or artist they love, and it's easy to become defensive when someone slags off your own tastes. As I get older, though, I find it's not worth arguing about it, in fact I've come to realize that it's actually pretty stupid. It's all subjective and I'm convinced that everyone's ear is a little bit different, attuned to different things.

HOWEVER, I can't mince words or be diplomatic about this: I REALLY FUCKING HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE THE RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS, with every fiber of my being. Everything about them makes my skin crawl, from that stupid ape of a front man to that filthy little Flea character, to their smug, annoying videos and bullshit fake funk music. I am convinced that there is something about them that actually physically enters my body through my skin, and fucks with my DNA, and makes me regress to the form of some primordial, carnivorous animal, and I want to massacre entire cities. If you are a fan of these guys, good for you, don't get in my comments and debate me on this or call me names. You clearly hear something I'm not getting, or maybe I'm hearing something you're not. WHATEVER. As I said, matters of music taste shall not be debated. To each his own. But fucking hell. From the first note, my brain is going .... KILL KILL KILL!!!!!!!

How about you all? I'm sure there's some popular band out there that you really fucking hate, that you'd rather jam a knitting needle in your ear than listen to, that you'd immediately think less of someone if they said they were a fan...

Come on. You KNOW you want to tell Auntie Andraste all about it...


Blogger fatmammycat said...

Mariah Carey, and Xtina, ( how annoying is that x?) and in fact everyone from Whitney to Celine to...well everyone who oversings a song, enough with the fucking 'ooooaaaaasssss', and the 'woooaahhhhsss' and the 'eeeiiiiaaassssss'. Just sing the fucking song or don't sing it, but STFU witht the tonsil wailing. It's a fucking pop song, not opera.
Oh and have a good weekend ducky! Moah X

13 October, 2006 15:38  
Blogger Andraste said...

EXACTLY what I say all the time, FMC. Singers who feel the need to hit EVERY NOTE OF THE SCALE with EVERY SYLLABLE OF THE SONG...oh my God, how tiresome. I think it's called "melisma" and it can fuck right off.

13 October, 2006 15:40  
Blogger Andraste said...

And you have a spiffing weekend yourself, Cat. I'm on my way back to Maine to watch hockey with my dad, and drink lots of shitty beer. Huzzah!

13 October, 2006 15:41  
Anonymous Josh said...

I can't mince words or be diplomatic about this: I REALLY FUCKING HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE THE RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS, with every fiber of my being.

Oh good, I thought it was just me.

13 October, 2006 16:58  
Anonymous Sare said...

Cannot speak to the loathing of LA's oldest house band, but OMG how I long for an ICBM to take out Evanescence. WHAT a load of bollocks.

You may enjoy the ranting of this lunatic on this topic:

13 October, 2006 18:55  
Blogger Old Knudsen said...

These comments have covered most of the loathsome sounds, I hate the 100 or so bands that all sound like pearl jam, and pearl jam its self, Jazz and scatting and Rap, and ya ya ya banjo music too.

14 October, 2006 00:57  
Blogger Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

I'm with Old Knudders on jazz, especially "pure" jazz. Was there ever a more self-satisfied, masturbatory an instrument than the jazz saxophone? You can't even ignore it in a bar 'cos it's too insidiously insistent to be background music. All you can do is cringe as jazz takes the fingernails of scat against the blackboard of the soul and scratches your brain in sound waves of purest irritation.

If ears had fingernails, jazz would pull them off. Slowly. Over the course of a twenty-minute riff.

I know I'm a philistine but it's like avocados and caviar. I wish I liked them but I just can't.

14 October, 2006 01:56  
Blogger Dr Maroon said...

Benjamin Britten, absolute shit.

Mozart, fiddly, tricksy, no meat garbage.

Every manufactured, made up boyband girlband talentless off-key bunch of talentless no hopers that ever were. Except the Monkees who are still great.

Dvorjack. Czech, film score, watery piss.

Anyone playing the bagpipes in foreign international airports

Blue Oyster Cult except " don't fear the reaper" which is class.

All the crappy Christmas "pop" songs that we'll be hearing soon for the ten millionth time.

Cheers Rabbit Girl, you've made me quite sick now.

14 October, 2006 07:53  
Blogger Kim Ayres said...

I must admit I'm with Doc M here, but I'd add in Anything Country & Western, Disco and Tchaikovsky

14 October, 2006 09:20  
Blogger Springfield said...

oooh, the christmas music just about makes me lose it everytime...

although nothing puts me in a violent rage like that american country crap. why is it that this country is hell-bent on churning out some of the most awful, sadisitic crap for your ears?!?!

this is why i've started living on pandora...

14 October, 2006 11:30  
Blogger Brewski said...

Jazz can burn in hell. That is all.

14 October, 2006 14:49  
Blogger ExAfrica said...

Ugh...jazz. And the pretencious people who pretend to like it!!!

14 October, 2006 20:57  
Anonymous david said...

I agree with you about the red hot chilli peppers, i absolutely hate them with a passion, that stupid song of theirs 'dani california ' or something.. i hate it!!!

15 October, 2006 12:32  
Blogger Binty McShae said...

James Bl(c)unt. Maybe not all of his stuff, I don't know it well enough to comment. But definitely, DEFINITELY that piece of fucking shit "You're bootiful".

And the poor mans version of the Bluntster, Daniel Powter... "I've had a bad day"? No, mate, you really haven't, not yet. Just wait until I meet you down a dark alley you whiney little twat. THAT will be a bad day for you.

Oh, and a large chunk of Elvis Presley sucks cock big time too. The King my fucking arse.

16 October, 2006 03:53  
Blogger Binty McShae said...

Oh, oh... and The Travelling Wilburries. Jesus, guys - you're heroes! Don't destroy it all with that crap!

16 October, 2006 03:56  
Blogger SheBah said...

Kids choirs with that Christmas fake sentimental slop they wheel out every year like "Grandma", and Poor Little Sparrow. Anything by Chas and Dave, yuk! The creepy mock sincerity of Celine Dion, yuk yuk.

16 October, 2006 07:38  
Blogger SheBah said...

....and Robbie Williams, superyuk

16 October, 2006 07:39  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank fuck I'm not alone in this. I don't like their music, the lead singer's singing accent (Ka-lea-fawwwwwniah) but most of all the fawning adulation heaped upon this mediocre crew.

Make the swim in acid. 10 lengths minimum.

16 October, 2006 11:37  
Blogger Brewski said...

Have you seen James Bl(c)unt talking? What a fucking nonce! And like McShae I aver that his music is fucking horrific.

16 October, 2006 15:05  
Blogger Fat Sparrow said...

Oh God, we've had to put up with the Chili Peppers since 1982, as they're local. They have been positively inescapable on the radio. Every 15 fucking minutes on fucking KROQ. They had a couple of mildly decent songs, but Jesus, they've played them to death.

Music I hate: Jazz, Country/Western, pop, most classical music, rap, hip-hop, R & B, whatever the fuck that Mexican Ooompa-Looompa polka shit is that my Hispanic neighbors play, Carson Daly (I know, not musical, but I wish he'd die), Testosterone Rock (you know, the one with the male lead singers who scream through their lyrics like their balls are being twisted), heavy metal, wiggers, Scott Weiland (Christ, you were in a Mister Mister cover band; kill yourself, already), Carlos Santana, 50's music, disco, fucking disco....

Shit, now that I think about it, I hate most music.

16 October, 2006 19:21  
Blogger Kristen said...

Radiohead. I know it's not a popular opinion but OH MY GOD, HATE!

Seriously, hate so hard.

T(h)om York(e) can go cry himself to sleep over how "beautiful" his music is or whateverthefuck but leave me the hell out of it. And get off my magazines. And out of my ears. And tell your fans to stop going on about your "genius." Whatthefuckever.

I'm getting angry just thinking about the pretentious pricks.


17 October, 2006 10:12  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Westlife! Westlife are the flaming pits of hell. Jazz too.

17 October, 2006 10:42  
Blogger Binty McShae said...

I have to say I rather like Radiohead. Have done ever since I saw them play in a dingy little bar in a town just outside Oxford. They were called 'On A Friday' then, though...

17 October, 2006 23:56  
Blogger deadpanann said...

I didn't feel strongly about the Chili Peppers one way or another until I noticed they had TWO songs that were something-california. WTF? There are 50 states, guys. Mix it up a little.

I do hate that guy that sings ya beautifuuuul! ya beautifuuuul! I haven't heard any other part of the song besides that word being repeated over and over again, but doubt that it could possibly have any more substance than that.

As for the manufactured bands and "artists," I used to hate them with a burning passion, but now I'm just amused to see how the teenagers are so easily brainwashed into throwing money at them. But I can respect even the most talentless toy band a little more than I can the bands who pretend to have something meaningful to say. At least the toy bands aren't pretending to be deep thinkers or whatever the hell the likes of Nickleback or Green Day fancy themselves to be.

18 October, 2006 12:23  

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