Thursday, September 28, 2006

Sunshine and fucking daisies.


Shall I finally enlighten you all about the shit storm that is my life for the past two weeks?

Here goes:

1. Some asshat stole my identity on eBay and put up all kinds of stupid, huge, crap for sale using my profile. Luckily eBay actually has decent customer service, so they were able to catch it, notify me, and spend an hour with me one evening on the phone and on-line, fixing my account, changing passwords, cleaning up the mess, etc. But seriously...if I ever come in contact with the cuntface that did it? I WILL DESTROY HIM.

2. The cat played sick for a couple of days and cost us a lot of worry, anxiety, some work hours, and $200 in vet bills. And she's fine. I just have to wrestle with her twice a day to get ear meds in there, while she scratches the daylights out of my forearms. But that's old news.

3. That FUCKING DICKHEAD COMPANY, ADAM HERSH FUCKING AUCTIONS, contacted me yet again, out of the blue, asking for money that I DO NOT OWE THEM. 6 months or more after I thought the issue was resolved. I filed yet another complaint with Paypal, and marked his e-mail address as spam. Again, if I ever meet Adam Hersh? I will have some SERIOUS words about how his company does business, and then? I WILL KNEECAP CAP HIM AND SHOVE MY RIGHT FIST INTO HIS NECK.

4. Gentlemen? You may want to look away for this one. Ladies, read on: Missed ONE DAMN birth control pill, and even though I 'doubled up' the next day, I have had my period for TWO WEEKS now. TWO WEEKS of bloating, cramping, bleeding and being generally ...oh, less pleasant than a mouth full of spiders. The female body? CAN FUCK RIGHT OFF.

5. The Red Sox? Out of post-season contention. ME? Working with a Yankee fan who juuuuust looooooves coming into my office to offer his 'condolences.' Here's your arsenic-laced Twix bar, you smug fuckpig.



Despite all this, though...I am fine. Really. I mean, I have my health.

It can only get better, right?

7 Comments:

Blogger deadpanann said...

Wow, I can sympathise with lots of your recent troubles. The vet bill, the unexpected bill from services (not) rendered MONTHS AGO, and even the 2 week long period! Mine started early, stayed late, and created some worse-than-usual mood wings and cramps in the meantime. I don't think it was because I missed a pill, though. I think it was because my husband had time off work--time to fuck--and the Universe conspires to prevent me from having any fun.

28 September, 2006 14:55  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Feed the Yankee fan to Adam Hersch after that special twix bar works its magic...

28 September, 2006 16:49  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Blimey! My eyes quivered reading that so much emotion spilled forth from the page. Do you want me to send another nasty note to that Adam Hersh dude?
For the office guy... saw his chair legs part way through, throw his twix to him and as he makes a great catch point and laugh when his chair collapses during causing him to almost bite his tongue in half, the cat is good news, sort of, and tomorrow is the start of the weekend, so be glad you're not going through the menopause and you're arse is high up and firm!

28 September, 2006 17:32  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

You're-your. Sigh.

28 September, 2006 17:33  
Blogger ExAfrica said...

Oh thank god you've had a crap week. I was just about to suck gas through the hose pipe. Ho Ho - my week is just fine comparatively.

Thank you. Bill's in the mail...

28 September, 2006 22:43  
Blogger Fat Sparrow said...

"I have had my period for TWO WEEKS now."

It's better than not having your period for two weeks, when you're supposed to. Really. Trust me on this one.

29 September, 2006 04:38  
Blogger P1P said...

At least it's friday.

Put down your shooters and relax, you can cap that guy monday!

29 September, 2006 07:23  

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