Monday, June 15, 2009

Untamed World!

I am taking Mondays off this summer - HUZZAH for banking vacation days for 10 years - now I can indulge in my favorite Sunday afternoon behavior without the specter of Monday morning looming over me and killing the buzz.

And it's a good thing I was up late last night because at roughly 1AM, as I was lounging in the living room, polishing off the last of the Gnarly Head Old Vine Zinfandel, and watching some English costume drama or other (let's hear it for Matthew McFadyen and his big, warm eyes - hummuna) I had to rush outside to collect my (indoor) cats from the driveway. Seems one of the neighborhood cats, that little tiger cat from across the street, whose owners are about as feral as their frigging pets (their dog shits in our yard at will and will have it kicked out of him next time I catch him at it - and the human female breeds as indiscriminately as her cats - she's up to five moronic children with four different tattooed fuckwit fathers. Ugh.)...this little tiger cat had come by looking for trouble, got too close to the house, and caused my gentle little 5 pound buttercups to FLING themselves against the window screen with enough force to knock it completely out of the window, and land, in a snarling, screaming, howling, puffed up, angry and frightened jumble at the foot of the driveway.
When I arrived, the feral little bastard (whom I suspect had been littered under our porch two summers ago) had scarpered, and it was just my two little angels (ha!), sitting there, growling and snarling, and about three times their normal size. Luckily they allowed me to grab them, fling one under each arm, and get them back in the house - whereupon they made a run straight for the screenless front window, which I had not closed in my rush to turn the alarm off and run outside to prevent them from barreling off into the wilds of Waltham, never to be seen again. Luckily the ruckus had woken SPOUSE up and he was blocking their exit. Next time, I'm letting them spend the night outside in the rain, see how they like that, the ungrateful little shits.
But I'm going to have to say something to those fucking hillbillies and their wandering zoo.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Urgh, dogs shitting all over public and private properties piss me off so much. It's disgusting. How hard is it to clean up after your own dog? Sucks to have arsehole neighbours Ducks. Glad you caught the moggies before they vanished.

15 June, 2009 12:40  
Blogger Andraste said...

Believe me, Cat, I was almost tempted to let them go.

They're angels when they're sleeping.

15 June, 2009 12:44  
Blogger The Hangar Queen said...

I have a oft-thumbed English-Redneck dictionary if it will help.

16 June, 2009 02:50  
Blogger Andraste said...

HQ - how've you been???

I think our particular brand of northeastern redneck is a dialect I can manage without a dictionary. Lots of swearing and some drunken slurring ought to just about get the message across. Comes easily to me. Not sure what that says about me...

wait a minute...

oh, no.

18 June, 2009 16:59  
Blogger laughykate said...

Hmmmmm, any recipe for driving hillbillies out of the neighbourhood?

19 June, 2009 22:18  
Blogger Andraste said...

LK - not likely - they were here first.

20 June, 2009 10:48  
Blogger The Hangar Queen said...

Not so bad missus.
I live in a town that's right on the Hillbilly/Wash.DC hipster fault line. It makes for some fascinating juxtapositions. Mercedes SUVs with rifle racks and a certain petrol station grudgingly asking patrons not to smoke while gassing up.

My absolute fave is the Beer Cave. It's a walk in cold room where you can pick up icy cold beers. Changing demographics and tastes have made the owners add "And some wine too" in pink neon to the sign.

21 June, 2009 12:10  

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