Thursday, April 30, 2009

Dressing oneself is a bitch


When you distill everything down to its most simple components, you find ways of complicating even the most mundane of tasks. For example, getting myself dressed every morning is an absolute pain in the hoop. When all one ever wears is jeans and t-shirts, even such a seemingly uncomplicated selection as that can become a full-on brain tease. There is actually a calculus involved in putting together even so simple an outfit, because within the t-shirt category there is a LOT of variation. V-necks, crew necks, short-sleeved, long-sleeved, black, gray, loose-fitting, tight-fitting...and does that color/fit clash with that day's choice of jeans? What's the weather like and what will be more comfortable given the temperature outside and in my office? Did I wear a crew or v-neck yesterday? Was it black or some other color? Which jeans did I wear - you can't wear the same color and/or wash two days in a row, people will think you're unclean or crazy, like that biology teacher you had in high school who seemed to wear the exact same doubleknit trousers every day, paired with one of two different shirts on alternate days. And then there's the boots? Which ones? Doc Martens, Timberlands, Frye or ...the other Timberlands?

But anyway, that's not the reason I'm posting today.

The reason I'm posting today is to say this:

Neighbors who have a postage-stamp-sized lawn, who nevertheless feel the need to hire landscapers who show up at 6:45am, with large trucks with back-up beeping signals, leaf blowers and lawn mowers...need to be horse-whipped. And yes, salted.

That may be all. Don't know yet.


7 Comments:

OpenID sassysundry said...

I wouldn't be able to dress myself after being woken up at 6:45 AM by landscapers. You should call the landscape company and complain.

30 April, 2009 13:21  
Blogger Kim Ayres said...

I could have sworn your title said "Dressing oneself AS a bitch"

I was expecting a whole different blog post...

30 April, 2009 15:05  
Blogger laughykate said...

Seek your revenge about 11p.m. with a very loud stereo.

30 April, 2009 22:13  
Blogger Student said...

Waking me up in the morning is a killing offence and makes me want to hurt things

pip

01 May, 2009 06:00  
Blogger Pearl said...

... and salted.

:-)

03 May, 2009 17:36  
Blogger Medbh said...

Andraste, that's why I love dresses! Because all you do is pull up the zipper and go.

11 May, 2009 18:20  
Blogger Andraste said...

Sure, provided your legs are shaved, you have the right shoes (for every dress there's the right shoes and what are the chances you've got 'em!), and the right bra. Dammit - it's all just so INVOLVED.

11 May, 2009 18:46  

Post a Comment

<< Home