Thursday, September 10, 2009

Life's too short for origami.

My plan to get out of jury duty tomorrow is to show up in a "We Finally Nailed the Jesus of Cool" T-shirt, holding a copy of "The Portable Atheist," and then rocking back and forth, humming "The Ballad of the Green Berets." Think it'll work?

It's not that I don't want to do my civic duty, but 8am, on a Friday, two weeks into my new job, with classes underway and a faculty member who is getting tetchy because I've not been able to do anything she's requested all friggin' week long (not my fault - permissions, trainings, and on-line accounts haven't been set up yet)...not a good time to be out.

Plus I have a track record of getting actually 'empanelled,' if that's the word. On trials. On week-long trials. On uninteresting trials. Why is that? I think I look like a guilty, hand-wringing liberal to the defense attorneys, and like an embittered, angry conservative to the prosecution. Tomorrow, however, I'll be a smelly, psychically damaged, indecisive, angrily atheistic bag lady. Which, really,


PS: I am on Facebook now. It IS the Seventh Sign. But I'll stand by my conviction that "Friend" is NOT a VERB.


Blogger Pearl said...

We are in agreement! "Friend" is not a verb.


p.s. How did the selection go?! I used to be a courtreporter, and I think your approach is sound, particularly if you managed to pull off an absolutely wretched smell...

20 September, 2009 15:55  
Blogger Andraste said...

Hiya Pearl - hope your Sunday is going well.

For ONCE, jury duty went well. Both cases settled before selection started. One 4th time DUI pleaded guilty - and good thing too, he wouldn't have gained by going to trial - I would have said GUILTY once I heard "4th time." Stupid mo-fo.

And the other was a medical malpractice that they decided to try without a jury.

I was out at NOON! Went and celebrated by getting actually sized for a decent bra for the first time in my life, and spending more on that bra than I've EVER spent on any article of clothing that wasn't leather or footwear.

20 September, 2009 16:26  
Blogger Jayne Martin said...

Hey, funny lady. Just discovered your blog and will definitely be back. Totally with you on the jury duty crap. You at least go. I toss mine. I figure if they arrest me at least I'll have three meals a day, a roof over my head and maybe get to hang with the likes of Paris and Nicole.

25 September, 2009 16:34  
Blogger Medbh said...

Pull the Princess Leia act that Liz Lemon uses!

04 October, 2009 06:39  
Blogger Mr. Beer N. Hockey said...

I've played the inappropriate appearance card at jury selection time too. I still got picked. After I was picked a sherriff took me aside and told me in no uncertain terms, "Don't show up for court looking like that." That case too was settled out of court shortly before the trial was to begin.

08 October, 2009 23:23  

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