Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Double-header

I was shocked out of bed at an obscenely early hour today by a Fairfield Street Batshit-Crazy Hour morning matinee on the other side of my backyard fence. Evidently her weiner dog was disobeying her simple order to eat a jelly doughnut or something, and this was just not to be tolerated.

"MAXIE! MAXIE! GET THE FUCK OVAH HEAH AND EAT THIS!!! MAAAAXXXXIIIIIEEEEE!!!!!!"

I have actually seen this whiskey-voiced harridan, pushing a shopping cart through the streets of my neighborhood, with the dog in the child seat, wearing a rainbow visor and wrapped in blankets. And yes, I have seen her trying to jam a jelly doughnut down the dog's throat. Poor wee Max must have wanted a muffin that morning, because he was having none of it.

This presents me with a bit of a dilemma. Should I mention to her that dogs actually prefer simpler fare? Oh, you know, like DOG FOOD? Or should I report her to the MSPCA? Or let the poor dog suffer this abuse, because he's so clearly all this insane, lonely woman has in her life?

She was in a good mood last Thursday. She was cackling to herself, singing "If I Knew You Were Coming, I'd Have Baked a Cake." Is there another verse to that song, or is that it? Because that's what I heard, that one line, for about an hour. I just don't know what's going on there. I really don't.


*****************************************************
Due to last night's rainout, the Red Sox have to play a double-header today versus Toronto. Hmmmmm.

I MIGHT have to go to Charlie's for lunch, to check in on the team. And if it looks good, I MIGHT have to have a beer. And if I deem it good, I MIGHT have to have another. A co-worker just suggested taking the afternoon off...I would feel terribly guilty about doing that, with my boss on vacation and things definitely getting busier. Guilt is a thoroughly useless emotion. Fuck it, this is September baseball.



That is all.

11 Comments:

Blogger Father of 3 said...

2-0 Sox... second inning.

27 September, 2005 13:44  
Blogger Andraste said...

Thanks, Fof3. I have "Gameday" on my computer and a wee radio on my desk.

I should be at the bar, but work intervened. My chances of getting out to see some of this are shrinking like Costanza in the pool.

My word verification is dyvva, by the way. Cool.

27 September, 2005 13:48  
Blogger mrshife said...

Shrinkage!
Kinda like the White Sox and Padres leads in their division.
It is shaping up to be a wild final week of baseball.

27 September, 2005 16:22  
Blogger LBseahag said...

for a minute there, I thought you lived in my neighborhood, but the accent gave it away...and jelly donuts...those are a luxury...they fight over churros here....

27 September, 2005 22:12  
Blogger Kristen said...

//Fuck it, this is September baseball.//

This is further proof that I am your long, lost child.

I may have gone to the bar at lunch yesterday. If we take "may have" to mean "definitely did."

28 September, 2005 08:04  
Blogger Andraste said...

K - I am envious. I never got out yesterday, just got too busy. I had to wait for game 2 of the day and watch in horror. Oh, the humanity. Oh well, Cleveland and NY lost too, so....meh.

S - what's a churro?

28 September, 2005 10:22  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

At 5:45 this morning, that is AM, I woke to the persistent beep beep beep of a car horn. It went on, with ten second intervals of silence, for some five minutes, and after every few beeps a man shouted, "Hope!"

The car was parked just below my window and the man in the car was getting edgy as minutes passed. Finally he leaned on the horn, making me jump halfway out of bed in shock, and screamed like a maniacal banshee: "HOPE! HOPE!"

No hope for you, buddy.

28 September, 2005 11:52  
Blogger T. Leach said...

To think it could come down to Schilling on Sunday ... I'm scared.

28 September, 2005 12:26  
Blogger Andraste said...

sunday, Sunday, SUNDAY!!!!

And I will be there. One section past Pesky's pole, screaming my insane head off, spilling my beer, and embarrassing my husband. Heh.

28 September, 2005 12:33  
Blogger Kristen said...

I want to have a word with the scheduling genius who decided that the Pats game should start at 1 and the Sox game at 2. It won't be a kind word, mind you, but it will be a strong one.

28 September, 2005 16:24  
Blogger Andraste said...

I know, as it is I'll be starting early, hitting a sports bar for the first quarter of the Pats, (and the Giants, long story), before heading in to Fenway for the Sox.

Do you think they'd consider having the Pats game on a few of the TV's in the right field concourse? I can check in while I'm getting beers...

28 September, 2005 16:49  

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