Thursday, October 06, 2005

My last fucking nerve


Open letter to the cretinous fuckbags in my neighborhood.

Dear Assholes:

Would it be so fucking hard to put your trash out the night before trash day, thereby saving you the trouble of wheeling your big, noisy, plastic trashcans down the driveway to the curb at 6 o'clock in the morning, right under my bedroom window? Think about it. You could get home from work in the evening, get those noisy buggery things out before you even take your shoes off, so it's done, and you wouldn't have to worry about it at all. You could sleep in a bit! Just please, fucking think about it. You miserable, inconsiderate, oblivious jackass.

And speaking of trash day, you fuckers who go through recycle bins for redeemable cans and bottles. Good for you, but could you also try to do this the night before trash day? Your rattling, bottle-filled shopping carts are like nails on a chalkboard to me when you come jangling down the street at the crack of dawn. I appreciate your initiative, but you could also beat the competition by not waiting until morning. Thanks.

And the shrill, screeching, violent shrew on the other side of the fence? Yes, YOU, Max's mother, you fucking battle-ax. SHUT THE FUCK UP. I no longer care what time you start with your harangue. It is no longer entertaining at 5pm, I'm sick of hearing your fucking screaming at ANY time of the day. This morning, at 5am, were I capable of movement, I would have jumped that fence and really given you something to scream about. You cacophanous fucking fishwife.

I hate you all.

Andraste, the sleep-deprived. ********************************************************************

On another note: Here is what I'll need to watch Friday's Sox/Sox game: Booze. This is a .wav file, so if you're at work, and want your boss to send you home
early, TURN IT UP REALLY LOUD.

16 Comments:

Anonymous a neighbor said...

Why don't you just fucking well get up earlier you fucking shitbag lazy cow?

06 October, 2005 11:42  
Blogger Andraste said...

Lazy cow? Be careful who you call lazy. I get up early enough to get to one of my two fucking jobs, ON TIME, usually with a workout squeezed in beforehand. People like you, who have no fucking consideration for others, make my blood boil.

FUCK RIGHT OFF, neighbor. You cowardly anonymous fuck.

06 October, 2005 11:46  
Blogger Andraste said...

Oh, Stephen, didn't realize it was you.

Come on, call me a shitbag lazy cow again. This time, I won't tell you to fuck off. I swear it!

06 October, 2005 11:59  
Anonymous Mr. Wdflzypf de Verification said...

I've been told to "fuck off" by better than you!

06 October, 2005 14:47  
Blogger LBseahag said...

My boss thought I was asking for panties and a pipe...

Guess I have to stay at work all day...

06 October, 2005 14:58  
Blogger T. Leach said...

Relax. We're only two games down. No reason to have everyone just "fucking off" and whatnot. Ah, who am I kidding?

06 October, 2005 15:04  
Blogger Andraste said...

Oh, man, don't get me started on the Sox. But yeah, two games down. Not insurmountable, but it doesn't look good. The pitching...oy, the pitching.

And poor Graff! I feel so bad for the guy.

Mr. Word Verification. I know, I was probably there.

06 October, 2005 15:08  
Blogger mrshife said...

I do belive if you shoot your neighbors in the ass with a pellet gun while they haul out their trash you will at least get a good laugh out of it.

Good luck on Friday.

06 October, 2005 16:22  
Blogger Andraste said...

LBSeahag, yeah, I should have picked a better bit from "Withnail & I" to link to. There are so many. Come to think of it, I'll change it to a better one now.

Thanks, Mrshife. Looks like we need luck, since we clearly have no effing pitching.

06 October, 2005 16:31  
Blogger tgic said...

I HATE THE CAN PEOPLE SO MUCH! They also tear up your trash bags and get shit everwhere!

So now I take my trash out when I wake up at 8. Fuck you, the 50 cents from my beer cans is going to waste! HA!

06 October, 2005 16:35  
Blogger Andraste said...

GIC - you'll enjoy this. We give our cans and bottles to our 85 year old landlord. He uses the money to buy scratch tickets. Isn't that adorable?

The only bottles in our recycle bin are cider bottles, which, inexplicably, have no redemption value. (well, those and the rum, vodka, tequila and wine bottles - Christ, we're alcoholics!)

06 October, 2005 16:40  
Anonymous NOSMO KING said...

Mr ANDRASTE, Ask 99% of Lung Cancer patients what would they would suggest to youg people on the matter of smoking. And I am sure they would say never start and stay away from Smokers.

Yes Cancer is caused by a variety of factors in fact its probably in most of us just waiting for a trigger. Eating a rotton apple or reading your shite Blog. Whats it all about anyway. You must spend too much time on the T looking out the window I fear...


Carry on.

NOSMO KING (chewing my Nicorete)

PS Baseball is like criket stupid waste of time watching paint dry can be more exciting.

07 October, 2005 09:32  
Blogger Andraste said...

NOSMO KING - I'm a Ms., thanks. You miserable, pedantic, preachy fuck.

For your information, I'm not a smoker, and would go so far as to say it's a stupid, disgusting habit, with deadly consequences. I merely pointed out that you were being a bit preachy on Twenty's blog. The POINT of his post was not about the causes of lung cancer, it was about something else entirely.

TM is a HUMOR blog, mostly, with some opinion and dissecting headlines thrown in for dissection and commentary. My blog is my forum to have a bit of a moan about things that piss me off. You don't like it, don't fucking read it.

I don't care if you don't like baseball. Sometimes the team I support causes me stomach pain and I don't like it myself, but it's none of your fucking concern how I waste my time.

Where's YOUR blog, then, you miserable cunt?

07 October, 2005 10:11  
Blogger tgic said...

That is adorable. A LOT of people buy scratch tickets in Southie, I've been noticing. Then again, a lot of people are at the Clock Tavern at 7am, too, so really, what's a few scratch tickets?

07 October, 2005 11:27  
Blogger Dr. E. Scientist, phD. said...

Nosmo King's done the rounds with the preachy bit, for months now.

I'm not sure what he gets out of it as most folks know that smoking is daft and will kill them.

Maybe he just likes showing how majestically informed, tightly wound, beloved by God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit Cabinet he is.

Feck 'im.

07 October, 2005 12:56  
Blogger Andraste said...

Thanks, Dr. E. You're the best. Will you be my pretend boyfriend?

Yes, I'd gotten that impression about NOSMO. He has all the self-righteous zeal of the new convert about him. How dreary.

07 October, 2005 13:37  

<< Home