Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Employee Self-Evaluation can fuck right off.

Name three goals from last year's evaluation that you've achieved over the last year.
1. Showed up.
2. Did the work.
3. Did not kill anyone.

Name three challenges you've encountered and how you've overcome them.

1. My office is freezing. Wore a lot of sweaters. Did my job.
2. Had frequent hangovers. Drank lots of water. Did my job.
3. Don't make enough money. Took on freelance work. Did it on my lunch breaks, evenings and weekends. Also, did my job.

Name three goals for the coming year.
1. Finish this evaluation without killing myself.
2. Continue to do my job.
3. Don't know. Get paid.


Blogger Amy said...

Heh heh heh heh.

28 March, 2007 16:19  
Blogger Sassy Sundry said...

Ah yes. The self-evaluation. Always so useful. Just use "impact" as a verb and throw in a few "actionable points" and you'll get pots of money. Oh, and "synergy." Throw in "synergy."

28 March, 2007 16:40  
Blogger Binty McShae said...

Supposed to be doing mine right now... waiting on the upshot of a job interview from the other day before I decide how far I can go...

28 March, 2007 22:06  
Blogger Fat Sparrow said...

Employee self-evaluations are crap. Do you get paid for doing someone else's job? No, you do not. Should they know whether or not you have been doing your job properly? Why yes, they should. It's just slackness on the part of supervisors, and a level of cuntiness unknown to someone who is not in middle management that causes them to do it.

29 March, 2007 04:51  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Jaysus, waht the hell do they want? Blood? Perhaps you should write it in blood.

29 March, 2007 06:59  
Blogger The Hangar Queen said...

Don't forget "Paradigm shift" Oh..and "telephony" seems to dampen knickers too.

29 March, 2007 08:11  
Anonymous bossesque said...

You're fired.

Please clean out your desk (and the employee fridge.)

29 March, 2007 12:20  
Blogger MairĂ©ad said...

I love it!

29 March, 2007 16:57  
Blogger Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

Ha! I'm still laughing at Sassy's impact as verb and "actionable points."

You should tell them where to stick the pointy bits of their actionable points, Andraste.

30 March, 2007 12:16  

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