Monday, July 09, 2007

Fucking Blogger won't let me type in the Title Field box, so "Fucking Blogger" is my title for this one.

There's this THING going around that some call a meme and I call a fucking-pain-in-the-ass-chainletter. Fresh Hell has tagged me. Now I'm supposed to come up with 8 weird biographical items? On a MONDAY?

Prepare to be bored.


1. I was constantly sick as a child, and if I'd been born 100 years earlier, or even 50 years earlier, I doubt I'd have made it to puberty. I almost never get sick now though. So I've determined to use sick days whenever I have a hangover, otherwise they wouldn't get used.

2. Attempts were made to turn me into a Catholic in my early years. It didn't take. Seriously, I'm supposed to believe there's a benevolent-father-megalomaniac-sociopath with a big beard in the sky who loves me, but will nonetheless wail on me at any moment, and I'm supposed to be GRATEFUL? Fuck. Off. I'm much happier, and much less fearful, now that I'm an atheist. I make my moral decisions not from a fear of fire and brimstone in the next life, but from the simple desire not to behave like an asshole in this one.

3. Like FH I cannot nap. I'm sure there are pictures of me as a child climbing out of my crib because - yeah, right! The Three Stooges has GOT to be on somewhere! I wish sleep was optional, because I could get so much more stuff done. Actually, I wish eating was optional too. Sometimes I forget to and then bad things happen.

4. When I was about 6, I asked my mother why some people became nuns or priests. She said, "I suppose they have a calling." So I refused to answer the phone for about 3 years.

5. I haven't eaten meat from any landwalking animals in about 10-12 years, but about once a year I get a guilty pleasure from stuffing my face with pork fried rice. I fucking love pork fried rice. LOVE. IT.

6. I once farted and followed through...at work. Proud moment. Probably from a bad batch of pork fried rice.

7. Lack of talent aside, I tell myself I'm not a rock star because I'm a morning person, and don't like working at night. But really, that is half the reason.

8. I fucking hate memes. I won't tag anyone else, the madness stops here!

10 Comments:

Blogger fatmammycat said...

ahahahahahahahahhah @ 6

09 July, 2007 16:22  
Blogger Andraste said...

I knew that #6 would get some larfs.

09 July, 2007 16:27  
Blogger Fresh Hell said...

I laughed so hard at #6 that I farted and followed through. Home though, thankfully!

09 July, 2007 19:04  
Blogger Sassy Sundry said...

I can't do Chinese food at all for fear of #6.

09 July, 2007 22:37  
Blogger Fat Sparrow said...

I laughed uproariously at numbers 4 and 6. Thank you, because boy did I need a laugh.

And you're not the only one that's had trouble with that title field in Blogger. The trick is to click on the end of the field, if it happens again.

10 July, 2007 04:08  
Blogger Kim Ayres said...

Number 4 is superb, absolutely superb.

10 July, 2007 07:59  
Blogger Auntie Scotch said...

Diet coke just came flying out of my nose at No. 4!! TOO FUNNY!!! ALL OF THEM. Besides 8, although I hate writing memes, I loved reading yours!

11 July, 2007 09:39  
Blogger Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

Ha! Great stuff! #4s my favourite.

11 July, 2007 15:41  
Blogger Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

How come you were so sick as a child?

11 July, 2007 15:42  
Blogger P1P said...

Ahhhhhhhhh sharing. Following through is one of the most comedic moments ever. provided you aren't the one with shitted drawers.

Thanks for the giggles though

20 July, 2007 06:30  

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