Thursday, November 10, 2005

Hell-bound


There are many, many reasons for me to be going to hell when I die. I am a selfish, spoiled, uncaring, cantankerous little bile-bunny, whose world revolves pretty much entirely around when and where I'm getting my next beer. Count that for reasons 2 through 5.

But mostly, I'm going to hell because I was all that as a teenager, PLUS I used to sneak up on my hard-of-hearing grandmother, then shout that it was time for dinner, scaring the old dear right out of her chair, and prompting her to call me, in her little French-Canadian accent, "liddle bidge." Poor Memere.

Not sure I believe in the idea of eternal damnation or retribution after we die, but if it does happen as they say...that's the first on the list of big fucking black marks against me that St. Peter has saved in his big book of sins, which he will point to when I get there without my guest pass, and send my ass packing.


At least I'm honest.

(And for those of you who wanted me to throw a picture of myself up here for your critiquing pleasure, this cartoon - though it OBVIOUSLY is NOT me, or even my original work - is actually, oddly enough, pretty darn close to what I really look like. It's kind of spooky. )

15 Comments:

Blogger mrshife said...

I am working hard to right my many wrongs but I don't think I have a chance in hell. I guess I will find out.
So do you wear the outfit at home?

10 November, 2005 15:04  
Blogger Andraste said...

No, I don't. The tail only fits in baggy jeans.

I do like the boots, though.

10 November, 2005 15:15  
Anonymous stephenesque said...

That "The Lover Speaks" album that you own, that won't be forgiven either, you know. I mean you bought that with your own money! - double damnation.

10 November, 2005 15:37  
Blogger Sabbath said...

she looks like Daria!

i love Daria!

10 November, 2005 15:41  
Blogger Andraste said...

Stephen - Come on, man. The 80's were a time when we all made mistakes. You, by the way, went head over heels for Dee Lite, as I remember. So go screw.

Kendra - that is a cartoon of Daria. Shhhh. Don't tell anyone, I'm using it without MTV's permission!

10 November, 2005 15:51  
Blogger T. Leach said...

If you're going to hell for those, then I guess I'll see you down there.

10 November, 2005 16:37  
Blogger El Barbudo said...

I see you've stretched the picture so that it's taller and thinner than the original. Does that mean that you are taller and thinner, or that you were scared that your bum looked too big in the original?

10 November, 2005 17:38  
Blogger Andraste said...

Actually, that was unintentional, and probably looks different on my screen. When I uploaded the picture, it was huge and really fuzzy. I had to shrink it down (one side at a time) to make it reasonable to see. I guess I should have brought the top & bottom in a bit too...Though I don't really see much difference on this monitor.

By the way, thanks for pointing that out, smartass.

10 November, 2005 18:33  
Blogger Andraste said...

Gasp! Now that I'm home, and looking at it on my home computer, El B is RIGHT!

I shall adjust accordingly. I wish I was taller and thinner than I am, but the original is more accurate. by the time anyone reads this, the pictures SHOULD look about right.

10 November, 2005 20:00  
Blogger Kim Ayres said...

If you grab the corner of an image instead of the sides, it retains it's proportions when you resize it.

11 November, 2005 05:29  
Anonymous rachy said...

you like cats though, so you can't go to hell... purgatory maybe, but not hell

11 November, 2005 08:09  
Blogger Kristen said...

Awww, I had a Memere too. I don't remember every sneaking up on her and yelling but I surely did many things that prompted her to swear at me in French. I never did learn what she was saying...

11 November, 2005 09:24  
Blogger Brewski said...

I'll already be up there. Being a charming bloke, I will iron things out for you with Petey boy. No fucking worries.

11 November, 2005 10:22  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

Shit, if you're bound for damnation for scaring your granny then I am totally screwed, cats or no cats.

11 November, 2005 11:09  
Blogger Andraste said...

Kim - thanks for the tip. I thought I'd tried that, but the picture just moved around on the screen. Next time!

Rachy - If there isn't a good chance of seeing all my pets that went before me in heaven, I would rather not go!

Kristen - I betcha our Memeres were related, even if it's distantly...

Brewski - Thanks for saving room on your guest pass for me!

FMC - Thanks, I feel better about it.

This is like...Blogger confession!

11 November, 2005 11:12  

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