Calm the fuck down, it's only ingredients.

Emeril is someone who should go the fuck away for a while. I mean, bad enough the guy's got about a dozen different shows on the Food Network, and you cannot escape his ugly mug even when you're not watching TV, because the fucker's in the grocery store, too, hawking his "essence," which is just obscene.

The whole "bam" thing is so old and moldy, he should just retire it. Bad enough it's his mantra when he's fucking cooking, but he does toothpaste commercials now, and it's their tag now as well. A few years go, some asshole even gave this talentless hack a sit-com. Naturally, it was cancelled after about three seconds on the air, but... Christ.

But no, it's not Emeril and his ubiquitousness that bother me half as much as his audience of slack-jawed morons. They hoot and holler like he's doing something original just when he melts butter. Let him add garlic or beer or brandy or wine to any dish, and they act like he's just done something oh, so deliciously naughty, they practically jump out of their seats, going "woot, woot, woot," and "ya-hooooo," like a bunch of retards.

Idiots.