Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Hands up! Who thinks I'm a weirdo??

Funny how the mind works, innit?

I have a brain that's wired differently than other women's, I think. No knock on anyone else, or myself, and I'm definitely not bragging or being smug in any way. I don't think my brain works better, more intelligently, faster, etc., than other women's... I just have come to realize that the things that other women spend brain energy and time on would never even cross my mind, and this actually surprises me sometimes. It shouldn't be very surprising, I guess. Since grade school, I've been considered...well, let's just say...odd...by my classmates.

Here's an example:

Teacher: Girl-child one, what do you want to be when you grow up?
Girl-child one: A teacher (or nurse or ballerina.)

Teacher: How nice. And you, Andraste? What would you like to be when you grow up?
Andraste: An enigma.
Classmates: (rolling eyes) What's she even talking about?
Andraste: Don't you GET IT? Ahhhhahahahahahahahahahaha. Ooohhhhh...sometimes I just kill, huh?

Maybe they did get it, it just wasn't funny. I don't know.

Fast forward to my teen years.


Random male friend: Do you want to go to the prom with me?
Andraste: Fuck off. Let's rent "The Kids are Alright" and get pished instead.


And now:

Husband: What do you want for Christmas? Some nice earrings or a necklace? A day at the spa?
Andraste: A power drill.


Sister-in-law: Do you have a nail file?
Andraste: No, but there's some sandpaper in my toolbox.

Friend: I think I'd like a French pedicure.
Andraste: (thinks) I wonder if the Delta-32 gene mutation is prevalent in the Canuck population in Maine, or whether the French immigrants of the 16th century missed developing it because they emigrated before the plague years... what the fuck is a French pedicure?


I said odd. I didn't say I wasn't pretentious.

7 Comments:

Blogger fatmammycat said...

See now, that's why I think your simply divine. I would have have simply handed my husband the jewelery shop card with owner's personal phone number and said, 'he'll know which one.'
I do have my own tool box though, complete with drill, sander and wood pane...so, er what does that say? And I do my own nails, but not my delightfully shaped muff...
I would also think nothing of knocking some lady out of her Opera shoes over a good seat at Tosca.

14 June, 2006 15:25  
Blogger P1P said...

Good. Screw convention. You get one life no point wasting it on crap you don't enjoy. To be honest, I find girls who will wear shoes that turn their feet into raw hamburger because they are jimmy choos (or some other name) weird but then i will happily camp as far away from civilisation as i can get so who am I to talk.

PS I love the term "delightfully shaped muff" FMC It's almost disneyesque. You'd have loved the seat I got when I saw Tosca. Front row, I could have stroked the thigh of the cute cellist if I had wanted to get thrown out and banned.

15 June, 2006 05:21  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

as the song goes "I enjoy being a girl"! Love the French manicures, and even had a printed silk pedicure once on a visit to the U.S. (Paisley pattern!) They glue little bits of printed silk on your toenails and varnish over them. Lovely beach feet! Those Americans are brilliant at thinking up new idiotic beauty "must haves". I can use a power drill, even put together an IKEA wardrobe once, just to prove I could; but why would a girl want to do man stuff when she can have a hunky chunk of man muscle to do it for her?

15 June, 2006 07:18  
Blogger SheBah said...

as the song goes "I enjoy being a girl"! Love the French manicures, and even had a printed silk pedicure once on a visit to the U.S. (Paisley pattern!) They glue little bits of printed silk on your toenails and varnish over them. Lovely beach feet! Those Americans are brilliant at thinking up new idiotic beauty "must haves". I can use a power drill, even put together an IKEA wardrobe once, just to prove I could; but why would a girl want to do man stuff when she can have a hunky chunk of man muscle to do it for her?

15 June, 2006 07:19  
Blogger Andraste said...

FMC - you are a well-rounded individual, so you are. Nothing wrong with doing it all.

P1P - Thanks for the support. But...that's one thing I don't get: Camping. I love being in the woods, I love nature, will hike from time to time. But at the end of the day? MUST have a flush toilet, a decent shower, and a bug-free bed. And when I get up, I'll run into the lake to get rid of the hangover and spend the day up a tree, but I refuse to crap outdoors and sleep on the ground.

Shebah - you and I are from different planets entirely. I have NEVER enjoyed being a girl. Not since puberty, anyway. Tits and periods, who needs 'em?

15 June, 2006 09:24  
Blogger fatmammycat said...

p1p, you are making the green of my cheeks clash with the orange of the rest of me!

15 June, 2006 12:12  
Blogger P1P said...

Andraste - I get the same from friends. they look at me a bit funny if I suggest some serious camping. Different strokes I guess.

FMC - Sorry. I got over excited. I have no idea how I got those seats. My friend just went on the web and there we were. I assume the green is jealousy and not sickness. Orange though?

16 June, 2006 06:44  

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